Pain

Some say pain is a part of life. It seems like so many have good days and bad. My bad seem to out weigh the good.

Don't know if it is the heat or my body just hates me but I am in head to toe pain. I got a little bit done today. Well all my sons stuff. All his I folded laundry is all the my stuff I got done.

In pain but my son who is bipolar and functions at 8-14 doesn't get it. He acts like he does but he pushes and pushes till I collapse. It is one thing after another. I think the stress of the situation is making my pain worse.

I don't remember being in so much pain your joints even hurt. Along with my other illnesses I have pre ms. Which means I have all the symptoms of ms but nothing is showing on my scans. But my neuro doctor said that modern medicine doesnt understand that the lesions don't have to be there to have ms.

I may have over did with cleaning yesterday for our Bbq or the fact that the central air isn't working right may have a lot to do with it.

Pain seems to be a part of life. Sometimes I can cope and go about my merry way. Sometimes life has to stop and be on hold for a bit. Not my style but I am being forced to learn it.

Surviving carbon monoxide leaves you with a chronic slew of illnesses that cause pain. I just don't have one I have multiple. I think I will name them multiple buddies. Chronic illness just sounds like a death sentence to me. I survived that. Well truthfully..for now I have. Survival is up to the universe. I leave it at that. I live day to day. Can't make plans they always fall through. I don't like to say my multiple buddies rule me but in a way they do. The pain dictates my live, my plans. I don't feel I have my own life sometimes the pain takes over and there is nothing you can do.

Tonight I cried. I haven't did that regarding my multiple buddies since the diagnosis if my neuropathy. It took my dreams of going back to school for medical massage. I was crushed I cried. I cried this evening cause the pain is so intense. This is what I have to look forward to. This is what is going to complicate things. This makes me weak.

My cry was a release. I stopped asking why a long time ago. The why is Christy Bristol who sold us this house. She claimed she had it checked out she claimed she wasn't even here. Although neighbors tell us different.

I struggle with chronic pain. My pain managemeny doctor in no uncertain terms that what do you expect me to do?

Seriously, that day I came home and just cried. Told him pain management is a no until I can get my other illnesses in line. Well thank you doctor. I hope when I go see him that it will be different. That he might show a little compassion for my pain. I can hope but I am filled with doubt.

When you go to the doctor they always ask 'How are you?" Hmm truth I am dying in pain, my brain is scrambled because of the pain, some days I can't even walk any more, or pick my neck off the pillow, my bones hurt throughout my whole body. I used to say "Fine". Lately I have been telling them pain.

My outlet for my pain seems to be writing. Sorry if it isn't well written. I had my head in books not the ones from school but, the library. The ones about real life. English had no bearing on me. Have forgotten most of my writing skills. But hey I just need to write.