My invisible illness tends to give off the impression that I'm not sick. Although I thank you for your opinion I am seriously ill. Wow I actually said it...still in denial about how I need to adapt.
This past week I fell...again and it wasn't good. I think my body said last straw. I have been walking about hunched over or just in massive pain. Back pain is like toothache pain. Omg I am telling you constant throbbing and spasms. Nothing works to get rid of it. I know what will but I don't feel like spending 4 hours in the er just for pain.
Well we were coming put of Walmart I was barely able to hold on to the cart as I was wakking. We put our stuff in the truck and I used the cart to get me to the door..stubborn me won't us my cane. Well I was able to push the cart over enough were it was out of everyones way but, this guy sees me and says some people just are too lazy to put a cart back. As he was rolling away with the cart I told him I had a back injury. Don't know why I felt I had to defend myself but I did.
Then a few years ago I was in the hospital with severe ibs. I had to be admitted cause I keep vomiting so much it wouldn't stop. Well as I was in my room a priest walked down the hall to go talk to patients. He walked past my door and said under his breath you don't look sick, why are you here and he walks on. I fought back the tears regarding the the idiot's way of thinking. I should have said something. I wanted to say something. I would have said something but, I was raised to respect my elders.
But every Wednesday when I go for IV therapy I walk past the chapel and I am tempted to go in and talk to whatever priest is there and school him respectfully on invisible illnesses and treat others as you wish to be treated needs to be expressed to his fellow priests. Will I? Don't know. Maybe one day. Maybe one day.
I have family members who put me down for my illness. I have accomplished so much in the 12 years I have been sick. But I am looked on as lazy or I need to go talk to s therapist. Guess what I did. Nothing wrong with me. I am finding ways to cope by studying or hobbies. U don't just lay around all the time. I fight my body to get out of bed these days. Things have to get done no one to do it but me. My husband can't be counted on cause he is always at work. So it falls on me. Yet I am lazy. I can't be put done it causes stress, stress makes my pain worse. So I had to distance myself. Even from my own Gram who I love dearly. I am struggling with my health and to be put down for being sick it's just well..hurtful. Family should understand each other not put them down. I wasnt raised that way.
There are so many people out there with chronic invisible illnesses. Instead of doing the old you don't look sick...just give us a hug. Show us some compassion. We are in pain all the time. We may not look it but we are.
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