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Mental Illness Doesn't Discriminate

As the world was shocked and stunned of Robin Williams death I thought about the mental illness that drove him to commit suicide.

I also thought about our son who is also bipolar. How we got him though his teen years. The whole family did. We knew the risk and we were extra diligent in making sure he was stable. I think I still do.

I know as a teen growing up my bipolar caused me to be suicidal. I was able to hide it well. I also had this block that made sure I didn't go though with it. One night I did though. My Mother by the grace of her intuition knew something was wrong and was able to stop me. Was I weak then? I don't really know. The carbon monoxide took a lot of my memory. But when I heard about Robin Williams I had flashbacks. Like demons coming out of the closet to tell you "guess what we are still here". Yes thanks a lot for that.

We all have our demons to deal with. Depression is the hardest one. It has impacted my family in more ways then one. Impacted it very deeply. From some out of the blue knowledge I learned to control my bipolar. I know when I get depressed if it is internal (chemical imbalance) or external (something in every day life).  I am not on any meds for it. Goddess knows I was on enough as a kid. Plus when they tried to put me on something my moods went up and down like a roller coaster. To the point in which I was literally crying over split milk. I felt horrible. I feel I need to rephrase that I FELT HORRIBLE! Ok there that is better. My doctor said try it for a few more days well I told the doctor where to sick it. They decided to try medication for my depression after the carbon monoxide. I told them I did not need a mood stabilizing medication. I was fine I knew why I was upset. I had carbon monoxide poisoning and from here on out my life was going to be one big rock in my path. I also had a doctor that let all my health deteriorate for the 4 years that he decided there are no after effects of carbon monoxide poisoning. Yes, well that was that.  So yes I was depressed.

Control was a big part of it and resilience. I wish I was able to teach our son that. But , we have tried. Right now he is 24 but since he functions 8-14 we still have a teen and we still have to be vilagent.

Today when he found out Robin Williams died he says "How can he be depressed? He is rich". I told him Depression doesn't discriminate. Rich, poor, black, white it doesn't matter. That is what I keep telling you when you say I would be happy if I was rich. I told him as he is now he is never satisfied with anything and it would be that way if you were rich. It doesn't matter who you are you are not immune to depression.

I told him sadly our family knows that all to well. Maybe that is why I walk on eggshells daily to keep him stable. Do I think he would do that? No and it is for one reason and one reason alone, that is that he knew someone very close to him who is no longer around. Except in spirit. He is always there watching him and making sure he is ok.

Being depressed isn't just a state of mind. People tell you to get up snap out of it. But, sadly for some their mind is only surrounded in a deep dark abyss. In their mind everything around them is wrong, negative or just not worth it anymore. It is hard to reach people when they are like that.

The important thing we need to do is to celebrate live and be vilagent of people around us and their suffering and depression. To not let it get to the deep abyss. We ourselves also need to understand when we need help and to get it. Many of use are still in the stereotype of being weak if they ask for help You need to understand your weakness will lead to strength. You just have to take the first step.

Shark Week A Shark named Submarine

Shark Week started last night. I turned on Discovery just to catch the middle of the program. I knew form the dialogue people were in the water and one was already killed by a shark. The one guy was in the water screaming. There was no way to help him for the shark itself was pushing the person from the rescuers. Yes, you read that right.

All the sudden this huge shark attacks this man and instantly kills him. They said the shark is about 38 feet long. I never saw a shark attack like that.

They find out that 3 people are still not accounted for. So they decide to do a heat seeking camera on the boat. It picks up the 3 people in the water and the shark circling the sunken boat.

They set up a rescue using a shark cage. When the rescuer gets into the boat underwater, the shark starts ramming the hull. As the rescuer tries to get the people out the helicopter above is still using the heat camera to let him know where the shark is.

As they are swimming to the shark cage the shark is already chasing them. When they get to the cage the shark slams right into it. Full mouth open. The shark does this several more times. I had to check if this was a real documentary or a mockup. No it was real.

I am watching with my hand covering my mouth the whole time and thinking has this Shark been watching Jaws.

The shark is ramming the cage so hard the other rescuers are struggling to get the cage lifted out of the water. The shark is damaging the pulley.

They are finally able to get them out if the water. They talk about what happened and how "Submarine" has been just a legend until this amateur footage was able to document it. No wonder this shark knows what it is doing. It is a cross between Jaws and the Deep Blue Sea. Somewhere in it's lifetime this shark has been able to act in a way that scientists over the years have said it not possible.

These people instantly became the hunted. Watching Submarine I was stunned. It truly is there water not ours. If we invade in their space things may or may not happen. We have to decide if we want to tempt fate.

Watching this really stunned me. Even this afternoon when I write the picture of how it attacked the man sits deeply in my mind. Where it will probably stay along with other things that have shocked me over the years. I think of these people and the utter fear they felt as this shark was determined to attack them all.

Science has a lot to investigate when it comes to sharks. Is Submarine a once in a million shark with the taste for humans and the hunt for them? Or have other sharks developed this?

If someone else encountered this shark, who would be alive to tell?

You really should watch this documentary it will really make you think about who's water it is.