Conversations with Bug

Bug is his nickname he may be almost 25 but his functioning level begs to differ. It is apparent in our many conversations.

The other day I was out spending time with my Mom I get a call, a frantic Bug is on the other line telling me that I better have a plan to get him out of the United States by 2017. Because he says the government will try to microchip him. Um OK I tell him I will be home soon. When I get home he tells me all about being microchipped and is is possible he has one in him now?   Since, I feel I was already losing ground in this conversation I tell him if you were microchipped by the government I would be on the phone yelling fix him! He started laughing. He left shortly after so the conversation ended.

The next day I was in the shower and he comes in the bathroom. (No he doesn't get it about the shower) proceeds to tell me that he is never leaving the United States. I roll my eyes and tell him first you are saying I need to have a plan to get you out of the US now you are saying you are never leaving. Make up your mind. He then starts saying he isn't getting on a plane and he isn't stepping foot on one of those big boats either because they will get a current and sink. I interject cruise ship and tidal wave and he says yeah a tsunami. I am just speechless and thoughtless at this point where he starts we aren't going zip lining either or rock climbing unless it is in a mall. A mall? You don't rock climb in a mall. Well then I want to go snowboarding. I said you do know snowboarding isn't bunny slopes. Oh yes they are he replies back. I am standing there wondering why I even tried to shower. He leaves I get out he is still taking to me through the door.

He said I should go air softing with him. I say paint ball. He says paintball leaves bruises. Reminding him of shooting me about a week ago I look down and remind him I still have one from when he shot me. He just laughs it off and goes on about all the airsoft I need to buy. I tell him I will rent "if" we go. He ignores me and runs down the list to buy then disappears into his room.

Today is another nightmare

My bipolar son decided to have a meltdown because I don't have time to fix or do maintainance on his game website.

I told him when I made it for him that I can't run it or work on it cause I have my own business and I don't have time with everything else. If he was going to have it built he was going to have to do everything with it. But this am I woke up with no voice and severe pain in my legs and he was on me while I was trying to go to the bathroom that I needed to work on his site. I said it won't be today. He kept pestering. I told him if I can it will be later. But it didn't stop. I sat down to type up readings and he brought in the papers to sign into the site. I told him not now.

He kept on and on and on. I looked at the site typed in the stupid summary. Then I started getting yelled at cause I said I was done. Well what I did wasn't good enough. I was supposed to do the gallery for him and pay for an upgrade. Which I keep trying to explain you have to have money for which I don't have because I stopped taking readings because I have to take care of him and everything he keeps demanding. 

So now I am a bad Mom who doesn't care about him or love him. And he is shutting down all his computer stuff cause it is all my fault that I won't do everything for him. So I am rotton and he is outside my bedroom door giving me the guilt trip from hell.

Being the mother of a bipolar is hard. Having one that is 23 but functional between 8-14 is harder. No matter what you do you cannot get them to see any realistic reason whatsoever. He doesn't understand consequences he never did.

He tells me he does everything for me. Yet I am stunned by that answer. Cause it is so backwards it isn't funny.  I don't know if he is crying cause the guilt trip is being ignored or the fact that I do not have time to help run his gaming clan.

I understand he wanted to do something that would make him happy. But hr doesn't comprehend that I cannot be involved in it. It is his clan his site. He made it he needs to learn to build it. But since I said that it is just the opposite. Normal kids would say ok and teach themselves. Mine is going tear an entire weekend of work down, cancel his Xbox live account, cancel his facebook and send his laptop back. Which he doesnt get that isn't how the world works. And cancel everything he has cause he can't run it. Telling him he needs to learn to opens up another battle.

Nothing I can say or do does anything but open up another battle. He says this is why he is moving out cause I am controlling. Another question mark on that one. I have been controlled for years by him. Everytime I have tried to have my own life one of his demands got in the way. Or my illness.

I am chronically ill and I am not even allowed to sleep in the morning. He wakes me up like a little kid would wake there mom. Pestering and pestering until I get up.

Control he needs to look in the mirror. I did today. I don't like what I see. I see a women who has been emotionally and mentally abused by my son for 23 years now. I don't know how I have survived. But it ends today. I am taking back my control. I am calling his social worker tomorrow and tell her he needs more help then I can give. I can't stuggle anymore with helping him and trying to get him functioning somewhat near an adult. Because I can't do it. It is time to let go and let someone else handle things with him. Maybe they can do a better job. Maybe my son is right I am a rotten Mom.
Maybe I don't know as parents even of an adult mentally unstable child we don't know or have all the answers. Sometimes we have to let others in who do.