Alzheimer's and Acceptance

Alzheimer's it is a disease we hear and see daily.  It seems to be a part of everyone's lives almost like cancer. If you don't have it someone in the family does. It eats away at your feelings, emotions, and your heart.

My Dad has Alzheimer's. Yeah I admitted it to my friends a few months ago. It was hard. I guess you would call it a stage. I didn't want to tell people about it because if I did it would be true and I would have to deal with it. It is true and it is hard to even think about it let alone deal with it.

I cannot fathom how it would be in a few months. I don't want to face that truth it is too hard. Being and empath it is a challenge to understand and accept what is going on. I want to stop it in it's tracks. Freeze it anything to take it away. I want to absorb it out of him. I tell the universe let me have it not him. They won't listen they just tell me I am next in line because of the carbon monoxide poisoning. Thanks I tell them. I want it out of him I don't care about my life I just want his to be. I want him to be living and enjoying life. Right now he won't go anywhere. You can't force him and if you try it will stress him out which he doesn't need.

Cures aren't coming soon enough. They are going though so much red tape. I see a bleak future for those in the final stages. Something has to be done sooner. We need to work faster and harder to freeze or obliterate it all together. That is my one wish since I can't take it from him and you know I won't stop trying.

Right now he has skin cancer and we are going to be dealing with that soon. Sometimes we have to be strong for those around us. Sometimes we have to realize that acceptance is harder as the disease progresses. Sometimes we need to realize that reality is staring us in the face and fate is laughing at us when we are trying to be positive. Sadly there is no positive.

Why Change?

So many people are faced with changes. Instead of facing them they run. Fear seems to be the driving force in running from changes. Maybe you have accepted change before and it turned out bad. So due to that reason you fear change.

Then you have those people who think change is bad for them or they are in denial that they need to change.

Life is about change and growth. When you are running from change and not facing it,  you are the one impacting your growth. You..not anyone else. You are putting up a road block and in a sense telling the universe that you don't want the new opportunities that are coming your way.

You need to just embrace change. The more you run and the more you fear it the harder it will be for you to accept. Time goes by and with it changes. Changes that alter or course in life. Changes that can put you on the right path to following your light. Changes that can improve you and improve your situation.

Just stop and think for a minute. How many times have you ran or feared change? What happened when you did? How did it impact your life. Think about it for awhile. Then make a mental note that next time change comes your way remember what happened when you ran. Remember where it got you. Look at change as a great tool to help you grow and expand in your path.

If you need help accepting change I offer Holistic Life Coach sessions for help with finding your path and getting life back on track for you. Goals. Goals are important. Even little goals.

www.PsychicHealerChristine.com

42

I will be 42 years old next month. I am sitting here thinking what's next. Thinking how much my illness has progressed and wondering the dreaded what next?

I survived carbon monoxide poisoning but for 12 years surviving the after effects is killing my body. I fell again last week. Vertigo attack. All I was doing was taking curtains down. Then I was down on the ground and in pain. Went to urgent care, nothing broken. The pain is immense.

Life has allowed me to get several certifications, a degree in astrology and parapsychology, natural health consulting, wedding planner, graphic designer, Holistic Health Practitioner, Holistic Business. My journey into the other dimension takes me into my Spiritual Healing degree. But my business side is going to finish public relations and take business management. On the domestic side I will be taking hvac, and electrical. Due to owning a century home. Work is always needed. Think I may learn drywall.

My brain goes and follows knowledge. I am constantly learning more things. Ever expanding to the wisdom of the universe.

I have met so many wonderful, loving, compassionate and helpful people on my journey. You know who you are and how close you are to my heart.

My next path and milestone is turning 42. What will it bring? What will I learn? Who will I met? What will be necessary for me to grow? Those questions are what I will hold close as I turn 42

I think over the years what I have learned and gained. What I can remember. The carbon monoxide took some of my memories. It is like trying to look back cause you remember something but it is only a fragment. Life is like a bunch of fragments we are always trying to put those pieces together.

At 42 my body is week, poisoned, and broken. Yet I still stand tall and hold on to what I have. Continue to study and run my businesses until the goddess decides I should stop. Which she has no plans to do that for a long while.

So I move on doing what I can do with my life. I am in denial with what I can't do. Yes we healers can be a warrior to oir own health issues. We can help heal others but just not our selves. I walk thr path of a wounded warrior at 42 and on.

Life always moves forward you can't go back.

Today is another nightmare

My bipolar son decided to have a meltdown because I don't have time to fix or do maintainance on his game website.

I told him when I made it for him that I can't run it or work on it cause I have my own business and I don't have time with everything else. If he was going to have it built he was going to have to do everything with it. But this am I woke up with no voice and severe pain in my legs and he was on me while I was trying to go to the bathroom that I needed to work on his site. I said it won't be today. He kept pestering. I told him if I can it will be later. But it didn't stop. I sat down to type up readings and he brought in the papers to sign into the site. I told him not now.

He kept on and on and on. I looked at the site typed in the stupid summary. Then I started getting yelled at cause I said I was done. Well what I did wasn't good enough. I was supposed to do the gallery for him and pay for an upgrade. Which I keep trying to explain you have to have money for which I don't have because I stopped taking readings because I have to take care of him and everything he keeps demanding. 

So now I am a bad Mom who doesn't care about him or love him. And he is shutting down all his computer stuff cause it is all my fault that I won't do everything for him. So I am rotton and he is outside my bedroom door giving me the guilt trip from hell.

Being the mother of a bipolar is hard. Having one that is 23 but functional between 8-14 is harder. No matter what you do you cannot get them to see any realistic reason whatsoever. He doesn't understand consequences he never did.

He tells me he does everything for me. Yet I am stunned by that answer. Cause it is so backwards it isn't funny.  I don't know if he is crying cause the guilt trip is being ignored or the fact that I do not have time to help run his gaming clan.

I understand he wanted to do something that would make him happy. But hr doesn't comprehend that I cannot be involved in it. It is his clan his site. He made it he needs to learn to build it. But since I said that it is just the opposite. Normal kids would say ok and teach themselves. Mine is going tear an entire weekend of work down, cancel his Xbox live account, cancel his facebook and send his laptop back. Which he doesnt get that isn't how the world works. And cancel everything he has cause he can't run it. Telling him he needs to learn to opens up another battle.

Nothing I can say or do does anything but open up another battle. He says this is why he is moving out cause I am controlling. Another question mark on that one. I have been controlled for years by him. Everytime I have tried to have my own life one of his demands got in the way. Or my illness.

I am chronically ill and I am not even allowed to sleep in the morning. He wakes me up like a little kid would wake there mom. Pestering and pestering until I get up.

Control he needs to look in the mirror. I did today. I don't like what I see. I see a women who has been emotionally and mentally abused by my son for 23 years now. I don't know how I have survived. But it ends today. I am taking back my control. I am calling his social worker tomorrow and tell her he needs more help then I can give. I can't stuggle anymore with helping him and trying to get him functioning somewhat near an adult. Because I can't do it. It is time to let go and let someone else handle things with him. Maybe they can do a better job. Maybe my son is right I am a rotten Mom.
Maybe I don't know as parents even of an adult mentally unstable child we don't know or have all the answers. Sometimes we have to let others in who do.

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