Alzheimer's and Acceptance

Alzheimer's it is a disease we hear and see daily.  It seems to be a part of everyone's lives almost like cancer. If you don't have it someone in the family does. It eats away at your feelings, emotions, and your heart.

My Dad has Alzheimer's. Yeah I admitted it to my friends a few months ago. It was hard. I guess you would call it a stage. I didn't want to tell people about it because if I did it would be true and I would have to deal with it. It is true and it is hard to even think about it let alone deal with it.

I cannot fathom how it would be in a few months. I don't want to face that truth it is too hard. Being and empath it is a challenge to understand and accept what is going on. I want to stop it in it's tracks. Freeze it anything to take it away. I want to absorb it out of him. I tell the universe let me have it not him. They won't listen they just tell me I am next in line because of the carbon monoxide poisoning. Thanks I tell them. I want it out of him I don't care about my life I just want his to be. I want him to be living and enjoying life. Right now he won't go anywhere. You can't force him and if you try it will stress him out which he doesn't need.

Cures aren't coming soon enough. They are going though so much red tape. I see a bleak future for those in the final stages. Something has to be done sooner. We need to work faster and harder to freeze or obliterate it all together. That is my one wish since I can't take it from him and you know I won't stop trying.

Right now he has skin cancer and we are going to be dealing with that soon. Sometimes we have to be strong for those around us. Sometimes we have to realize that acceptance is harder as the disease progresses. Sometimes we need to realize that reality is staring us in the face and fate is laughing at us when we are trying to be positive. Sadly there is no positive.

Invisable Illness and Rude People

My invisible illness tends to give off the impression that I'm not sick. Although I thank you for your opinion I am seriously ill. Wow I actually said it...still in denial about how I need to adapt.

This past week I fell...again and it wasn't good. I think my body said last straw. I have been walking about hunched over or just in massive pain. Back pain is like toothache pain. Omg I am telling you constant throbbing and spasms. Nothing works to get rid of it. I know what will but I don't feel like spending 4 hours in the er just for pain.

Well we were coming put of Walmart I was barely able to hold on to the cart as I was wakking. We put our stuff in the truck and I used the cart to get me to the door..stubborn me won't us my cane. Well I was able to push the cart over enough were it was out of everyones way but, this guy sees me and says some people just are too lazy to put a cart back. As he was rolling away with the cart I told him I had a back injury. Don't know why I felt I had to defend myself but I did.

Then a few years ago I was in the hospital with severe ibs. I had to be admitted cause I keep vomiting so much it wouldn't stop. Well as I was in my room a priest walked down the hall to go talk to patients. He walked past my door and said under his breath you don't look sick, why are you here and he walks on. I fought back the tears regarding the the idiot's way of thinking. I should have said something. I wanted to say something. I would have said something but, I was raised to respect my elders.

But every Wednesday when I go for IV therapy I walk past the chapel and I am tempted to go in and talk to whatever priest is there and school him respectfully on invisible illnesses and treat others as you wish to be treated needs to be expressed to his fellow priests. Will I? Don't know. Maybe one day. Maybe one day.

I have family members who put me down for my illness. I have accomplished so much in the 12 years I have been sick. But I am looked on as lazy or I need to go talk to s therapist. Guess what I did. Nothing wrong with me. I am finding ways to cope by studying or hobbies. U don't just lay around all the time. I fight my body to get out of bed these days. Things have to get done no one to do it but me. My husband can't be counted on cause he is always at work. So it falls on me. Yet I am lazy. I can't be put done it causes stress, stress makes my pain worse. So I had to distance myself. Even from my own Gram who I love dearly. I am struggling with my health and to be put down for being sick it's just well..hurtful. Family should understand each other not put them down. I wasnt raised that way.

There are so many people out there with chronic invisible illnesses. Instead of doing the old you don't look sick...just give us a hug. Show us some compassion. We are in pain all the time. We may not look it but we are.

Is This My New Normal?

Many people who are chronically ill wonder if they will be normal again. If they will just be able to feel alive and do what they used to before they became ill.

I started wondering that tonight after 12 years of being sick. I miss out on so much. Today was my sons best friends graduation party and I am stuck in bed with hives. I even missed my sister's wedding cause I get severely sick when traveling. It has been my normal being sick every day for 12 years. I never thought about normal until tonight and it is an emotional thought process. How do I move on from here?

I think you just do. The human body even though sick can still learn to change, accept, and adapt our lives to this new normal. We do this at every new diagnosis, every day when we wake up wondering how we are going to get though the day. Even the days we are stuck in bed. Adapting. Adapting our lives to fit our new normal. It has to be done in order to survive. We have to adapt, make changes and learn to accept this being our normal. It isn't an easy or quick journey. It is a daily life long effort. One that in order to ensure or resilient behavior is one we have to make.