Carbon Monoxide Poisoning

In this type of weather is colder our furnaces are working harder and space heaters are in use. There is also a risk of carbon monoxide.

It is odorless and has no scent. There really is no warning unless there is a detector in your home. Even more then one. It is a more serious issue that needs to be addressed. I read today that 3 children had carbon monoxide poisoning and two have already died. You all know my feelings on carbon monoxide poisoning and how serious of an issue it really is.

If you don't have one Get One! If you have one tonight is your test the batteries night. A few minutes of this will save lives

Pain

Some say pain is a part of life. It seems like so many have good days and bad. My bad seem to out weigh the good.

Don't know if it is the heat or my body just hates me but I am in head to toe pain. I got a little bit done today. Well all my sons stuff. All his I folded laundry is all the my stuff I got done.

In pain but my son who is bipolar and functions at 8-14 doesn't get it. He acts like he does but he pushes and pushes till I collapse. It is one thing after another. I think the stress of the situation is making my pain worse.

I don't remember being in so much pain your joints even hurt. Along with my other illnesses I have pre ms. Which means I have all the symptoms of ms but nothing is showing on my scans. But my neuro doctor said that modern medicine doesnt understand that the lesions don't have to be there to have ms.

I may have over did with cleaning yesterday for our Bbq or the fact that the central air isn't working right may have a lot to do with it.

Pain seems to be a part of life. Sometimes I can cope and go about my merry way. Sometimes life has to stop and be on hold for a bit. Not my style but I am being forced to learn it.

Surviving carbon monoxide leaves you with a chronic slew of illnesses that cause pain. I just don't have one I have multiple. I think I will name them multiple buddies. Chronic illness just sounds like a death sentence to me. I survived that. Well truthfully..for now I have. Survival is up to the universe. I leave it at that. I live day to day. Can't make plans they always fall through. I don't like to say my multiple buddies rule me but in a way they do. The pain dictates my live, my plans. I don't feel I have my own life sometimes the pain takes over and there is nothing you can do.

Tonight I cried. I haven't did that regarding my multiple buddies since the diagnosis if my neuropathy. It took my dreams of going back to school for medical massage. I was crushed I cried. I cried this evening cause the pain is so intense. This is what I have to look forward to. This is what is going to complicate things. This makes me weak.

My cry was a release. I stopped asking why a long time ago. The why is Christy Bristol who sold us this house. She claimed she had it checked out she claimed she wasn't even here. Although neighbors tell us different.

I struggle with chronic pain. My pain managemeny doctor in no uncertain terms that what do you expect me to do?

Seriously, that day I came home and just cried. Told him pain management is a no until I can get my other illnesses in line. Well thank you doctor. I hope when I go see him that it will be different. That he might show a little compassion for my pain. I can hope but I am filled with doubt.

When you go to the doctor they always ask 'How are you?" Hmm truth I am dying in pain, my brain is scrambled because of the pain, some days I can't even walk any more, or pick my neck off the pillow, my bones hurt throughout my whole body. I used to say "Fine". Lately I have been telling them pain.

My outlet for my pain seems to be writing. Sorry if it isn't well written. I had my head in books not the ones from school but, the library. The ones about real life. English had no bearing on me. Have forgotten most of my writing skills. But hey I just need to write.

Battles

Sometimes we are told to choose our battles. What happens when the battle chooses us and we have no say in it. I have fought a daily fight with my health since December of 2002. It is when we bought our home and moved in. Nothing was too out of the ordinary. It was a century home and needed some work. All homes do. My battle began around Christmas Eve when I started to get sick. Headaches, dizziness just felt like I had the flu. Sadly come to find out months later I would wish from that day on it was the flu it was carbon monoxide poisoning and I was slowly dying from it. No one knew, not me, not my doctor, no one. It is the silent killer for a reason it goes so undetected. Even by the medical field.

My battle (that was handed to me on a silver platter) has been fighting this and all the after effects. There are many, more then you may think.

Today I wondered about choosing your battles and whether or not this battle can ever be truly won. I am alive some people would say. To them I would tell them that is the smallest part of the battle being alive. Keeping it that way is a nightmare. Doctors, therapy, medications, more diagnosis, then more doctors more medications, more therapy. Week in week out. It is amazing I haven't lost my sanity. I have been pushed pretty close toward it already.

But day in day out I fight this battle against my own body. I wonder some days how my body is dealing with this fight. I wonder how much more it can deal with before it truly breaks. I feel broken more now then I did when this first started broken, shut down... I am not depressed about it for it is something I have lived with for so long and my studies at least keep me balanced but fighting a losing battle is what is stating to occur to me. This is a battle I will never win. Sure I have life that is my won some would say but truly I don't feel it as a win. Winning your life should not have to come with a price. Fighting a battle shouldn't still kill you in the end. But this one will. I am not afraid of dying been to the other side been connected to it when I was a kid. I don't want to die now though. I have much to live for my family, my friends, my clients and whomever else I encounter to be guided to help.

I can help heal and give advice to others. People have told me how much better they feel cause of me. I have discovered over the years my amazing gift has grown and expanded with my illness because of it. I have a better connection to those who are ill and fighting a battle like me. I have a degree of being an empath that I never knew was possible. To be truly and connected to people. People I don't know people who are strangers who become my closest friends that I consider family.  Because of this illness and because of what I am going though. This is what keeps me going.

People tell me they wish they can do something to make me feel better. My job on this planet is to help others. To guide others, to help them see. If being a wounded warrior allows me to do that then so be it. It is my battle one I wss handed. It is and will be a losing one, but it is one I will still fight. I have my family (mainly my Mom who truly I think I one of the things that give me what I need to continue this battle), my close familylike friends (and you all know who you are), and clients who I meet who keep me going and keep me fighting this losing battle.

Carbon Monoxide Damage

Well I have been trying to let everyone know how serious carbon monoxide poisoning is. Well this week was my vestibular therapy. Your vestibular system controls things like balance. The balance that you need to get out of bed, stand up, walk, motion etc..

I was informed that my brain and my vestibular system aren't talking to each other. This wasn't a surprise to me or it shouldn't have been since my cns and my ans (central nervous system and autonomic nervous system) are as my doctor put it perturbed... But it was. I knew it wasn't linked to the current concussion plus I was dxed with vertigo about two years ago this was after the dx of chronic nausea.

On the way home I googled carbon monoxide and vestibular damage and what a surprise (not) it is linked very little studies have been done on it. But according to what I read it is permanent. I was told need to use my walker or cane all the time. Going to be going to therapy in order to help it.

This post concussion syndrome I have probably didn't help my damage I had already.

If when I am done writing my stories and you don't have a carbon monoxide detector I really suggest you get one. Ours was from our home we just had bought in 2002. It is a hard road and people wonder how I can deal with it. Truthfully I don't know how I do either. I just have to keep moving forward I guess the go with the flow. I am tired of the way it keeps flowing but carbon monoxide poisoning kills and if it doesn't kill it leaves lasting effects that you will have forever. Even at low levels. It causes serious and disabling illnesses. Yes I said illnesses. For your body is destroyed. Your main system that runs your body becomes disconnected from everything else and from there it seems each other system disconnects from the other and so on. There are no cures just treatment.

I say I am broken. My body is broken but my spirit hasn't. That is what may be what keeps me strong...