Today is another nightmare

My bipolar son decided to have a meltdown because I don't have time to fix or do maintainance on his game website.

I told him when I made it for him that I can't run it or work on it cause I have my own business and I don't have time with everything else. If he was going to have it built he was going to have to do everything with it. But this am I woke up with no voice and severe pain in my legs and he was on me while I was trying to go to the bathroom that I needed to work on his site. I said it won't be today. He kept pestering. I told him if I can it will be later. But it didn't stop. I sat down to type up readings and he brought in the papers to sign into the site. I told him not now.

He kept on and on and on. I looked at the site typed in the stupid summary. Then I started getting yelled at cause I said I was done. Well what I did wasn't good enough. I was supposed to do the gallery for him and pay for an upgrade. Which I keep trying to explain you have to have money for which I don't have because I stopped taking readings because I have to take care of him and everything he keeps demanding. 

So now I am a bad Mom who doesn't care about him or love him. And he is shutting down all his computer stuff cause it is all my fault that I won't do everything for him. So I am rotton and he is outside my bedroom door giving me the guilt trip from hell.

Being the mother of a bipolar is hard. Having one that is 23 but functional between 8-14 is harder. No matter what you do you cannot get them to see any realistic reason whatsoever. He doesn't understand consequences he never did.

He tells me he does everything for me. Yet I am stunned by that answer. Cause it is so backwards it isn't funny.  I don't know if he is crying cause the guilt trip is being ignored or the fact that I do not have time to help run his gaming clan.

I understand he wanted to do something that would make him happy. But hr doesn't comprehend that I cannot be involved in it. It is his clan his site. He made it he needs to learn to build it. But since I said that it is just the opposite. Normal kids would say ok and teach themselves. Mine is going tear an entire weekend of work down, cancel his Xbox live account, cancel his facebook and send his laptop back. Which he doesnt get that isn't how the world works. And cancel everything he has cause he can't run it. Telling him he needs to learn to opens up another battle.

Nothing I can say or do does anything but open up another battle. He says this is why he is moving out cause I am controlling. Another question mark on that one. I have been controlled for years by him. Everytime I have tried to have my own life one of his demands got in the way. Or my illness.

I am chronically ill and I am not even allowed to sleep in the morning. He wakes me up like a little kid would wake there mom. Pestering and pestering until I get up.

Control he needs to look in the mirror. I did today. I don't like what I see. I see a women who has been emotionally and mentally abused by my son for 23 years now. I don't know how I have survived. But it ends today. I am taking back my control. I am calling his social worker tomorrow and tell her he needs more help then I can give. I can't stuggle anymore with helping him and trying to get him functioning somewhat near an adult. Because I can't do it. It is time to let go and let someone else handle things with him. Maybe they can do a better job. Maybe my son is right I am a rotten Mom.
Maybe I don't know as parents even of an adult mentally unstable child we don't know or have all the answers. Sometimes we have to let others in who do.

Another Outburst...Thought We Were Doing Fine

My son is 23 yeard old and functions between 8-14. His diagnosis is bipolar, mild adhd and oppositional defiance disorder. I am thinking some autism and borderline personality disorder at this point as well.  Adding to his problems the no child left behind act left him educationally behind. His grade level was between K-1 when they graduated him high school level. Stopping him from being able to go back to school. He has major outbursts. This evening was one.

Another outburst this evening. We had been doing fine so I thought. It started like any other day. He got up and was barely awake and his conversation was already adding to his growing list of material things. If I was a millionaire I still wouldn't be able to buy his growing list. Then the game clan that by the way I need to build ASAP. Have we forgotten I have real world things to do like chores, laundry and cleaning house and oh working. No what he wants us supposed to come first.

Ok well the rest of the day was fine. I was taking a nap until hr woke me up due to a crisis. His brand new laptop is lagging and since I know 'everything' about computers I need to fix it. Just did the other day. Nothing wrong with it. But since it doesn't have the speed of a NASCAR then it is broken. Told him stop running so many programs at once...well he has to. So I told him it will stay lagging.

Go downstairs to let the dogs out, check the laundry and wash dishes. I hear his bed bounce, bounce, bounce...crash...great I am thinking he broke the bed again. My son believes the bed is a bouncing house from the moon. Stomp, stomp, stomp Mom my bed just broke. I bumped into it. Should have just said fine, but my parental side stepped in...darn no I have to say I heard him jumping on it. With him denying it with the I cannot tell a lie smirk.

But the furniture is cheap. Hmm do you want to see the bill? We can have it fixed..no not doing that I will just sleep on it as is. Forgets bed isn't even paid off yet. In the mist of argument I tell him the bed is not a trampoline. Again well it is your fault for not buying me one. Apparently I have this never-ending bank account. Sure. Tell him I am going disassemble the bed and just put the mattress on the floor. That is also broke was brand new but that is another story.

Then the whole so and so has this and that and I don't so I am a loser. Stop comparing yourself to those with material things. You can't take them with you they aren't things and they don't make you better. I give up and storms out of my room. Yes my room privacy doesn't fly when he is flying off the handle.

Ended up being a night long blow up where he ended up slapping himself in the face numerous times. Never wakes him up to reality so I really wish he would stop doing it. Then after I think all has calmed he comes in an shows me scratched up arms. Stupid me thought he may be coming into apologize. Oh wait I was daydreaming that. He tells me this is how I handle my anger. I said really...seriously. There are better ways to handle anger then having a tantrum at 23. He just stands there well it is your fault you do nothing to take care of me. Really again...want to see more receipts..why me....his guilt trips should be in the book of worlds records.

Has another fit after I tell hubby what he did when he calls. I tell hubby to pick up KFC he has been asking for it for days. We another blow up cause I happen to ask hubby for bail money. Code word there is a problem and wife is stressed with son. So another tirad..neither of us care and he isn't eating. This is why he wants to move out. Thinking wow I gave up what I wanted to eat for you. Didn't say it but I think he knew I was thinking it. Gave him his night meds and he stomped of into his room slammed the door and told me he was going to bed.

Don't know what to do. Just when I think things are figured out with him bang he explodes for no reason. Well he feels he has a reason. Have tried to teach him life doesn't revolve around what you have but, who you are and how you treat others. No he says my life revolves around what I don't have and everyone else does.

Can I say I am dreading when he wakes up in the am?