Mental Illness Doesn't Discriminate

As the world was shocked and stunned of Robin Williams death I thought about the mental illness that drove him to commit suicide.

I also thought about our son who is also bipolar. How we got him though his teen years. The whole family did. We knew the risk and we were extra diligent in making sure he was stable. I think I still do.

I know as a teen growing up my bipolar caused me to be suicidal. I was able to hide it well. I also had this block that made sure I didn't go though with it. One night I did though. My Mother by the grace of her intuition knew something was wrong and was able to stop me. Was I weak then? I don't really know. The carbon monoxide took a lot of my memory. But when I heard about Robin Williams I had flashbacks. Like demons coming out of the closet to tell you "guess what we are still here". Yes thanks a lot for that.

We all have our demons to deal with. Depression is the hardest one. It has impacted my family in more ways then one. Impacted it very deeply. From some out of the blue knowledge I learned to control my bipolar. I know when I get depressed if it is internal (chemical imbalance) or external (something in every day life).  I am not on any meds for it. Goddess knows I was on enough as a kid. Plus when they tried to put me on something my moods went up and down like a roller coaster. To the point in which I was literally crying over split milk. I felt horrible. I feel I need to rephrase that I FELT HORRIBLE! Ok there that is better. My doctor said try it for a few more days well I told the doctor where to sick it. They decided to try medication for my depression after the carbon monoxide. I told them I did not need a mood stabilizing medication. I was fine I knew why I was upset. I had carbon monoxide poisoning and from here on out my life was going to be one big rock in my path. I also had a doctor that let all my health deteriorate for the 4 years that he decided there are no after effects of carbon monoxide poisoning. Yes, well that was that.  So yes I was depressed.

Control was a big part of it and resilience. I wish I was able to teach our son that. But , we have tried. Right now he is 24 but since he functions 8-14 we still have a teen and we still have to be vilagent.

Today when he found out Robin Williams died he says "How can he be depressed? He is rich". I told him Depression doesn't discriminate. Rich, poor, black, white it doesn't matter. That is what I keep telling you when you say I would be happy if I was rich. I told him as he is now he is never satisfied with anything and it would be that way if you were rich. It doesn't matter who you are you are not immune to depression.

I told him sadly our family knows that all to well. Maybe that is why I walk on eggshells daily to keep him stable. Do I think he would do that? No and it is for one reason and one reason alone, that is that he knew someone very close to him who is no longer around. Except in spirit. He is always there watching him and making sure he is ok.

Being depressed isn't just a state of mind. People tell you to get up snap out of it. But, sadly for some their mind is only surrounded in a deep dark abyss. In their mind everything around them is wrong, negative or just not worth it anymore. It is hard to reach people when they are like that.

The important thing we need to do is to celebrate live and be vilagent of people around us and their suffering and depression. To not let it get to the deep abyss. We ourselves also need to understand when we need help and to get it. Many of use are still in the stereotype of being weak if they ask for help You need to understand your weakness will lead to strength. You just have to take the first step.